We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
