I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
