i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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