Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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