I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
