Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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