Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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