____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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