it hurts more in the daytime
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
