The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Terrible idea I love it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
