glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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