Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
