Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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