wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
