i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
