i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize