i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
