he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
