Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
