As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
