Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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