Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
