Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
