i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize