So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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