No stitches, just platelets and will power
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
