You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i will never coherently bang her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
