Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
