i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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