I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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