Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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