Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
