Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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