Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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