Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
