Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
