you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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