I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think my mom watched the whole time
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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