just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
