ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
