Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
