Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
