I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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