I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
