I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize