Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
