Will you blow on my dice?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize