a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
