In the future we'll all be gay
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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