9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
