I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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