no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
