he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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