im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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