No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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