currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
