Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize