She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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