make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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