Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real