Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
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Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
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Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team