Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?