If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
