you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
