I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
