I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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