Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
