when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize